


What Hurts The Most

by Extraordinarily_Bee



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Bottom Hannibal Lecter, I'm Sorry, M/M, Porn with Feelings, This is just all emotional pain, Top Will Graham, a few days before Mizumono, theres no comfort, this just makes Mizumono hurt more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 19:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Extraordinarily_Bee/pseuds/Extraordinarily_Bee
Summary: What hurt more than being gutted in Hannibal’s kitchen wasn’t the pain itself, nor the pain of being left behind. No. It was the pain of what they’d done just days before and knowing that it’d be a long time before they got back to that point of trust, if they ever did. It was knowing that he could never go back to that night and have that memory without the regret that filled his chest with every breath he took.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	What Hurts The Most

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, listen. I wrote this in like two hours while working so if it doesn’t make sense, just ignore it. It was something that came to mind while listening to a song and this was the best I could do. I’m sorry. I hope you enjoy it anyway. 
> 
> PS: I hate writing smut so if it’s bad, ignore it as well. The main point here is that it’s supposed to hurt. That’s all. Carry on.

What hurt more than being gutted in Hannibal’s kitchen wasn’t the pain itself, nor the pain of being left behind. No. It was the pain of what they’d done just days before and knowing that it’d be a long time before they got back to that point of trust, if they ever did. It was knowing that he could never go back to that night and have that memory without the regret that filled his chest with every breath he took.

After eating the dinner that they both prepared, they retired to Hannibal’s study and enjoyed a glass of bourbon while sitting in front of the fire. The pops and cracks of the wood filled the easy silence between them. Not much was said, nothing of importance anyway, while they sat and enjoyed each other’s company. Hannibal occasionally made a remark about something they’d discussed previously and Will responded in kind. After another two glasses of bourbon, Will reached out and took Hannibal’s hand in his own without a word. Hannibal hummed softly, but didn’t say anything. He just laced their fingers together and rubbed his thumb across one of Will’s bruised knuckles. It was a small, gentle gesture that made Will’s heart crack in his chest and question everything he was doing. Was he really going to give up the man next to him to the FBI? Would he run away with him in the end like they discussed? Where would they go? What kind of life would they lead? He knew he wouldn’t stop Hannibal from killing because he enjoyed the act himself. It was freeing. Liberating. Powerful.   
After another glass each, Will stood and pulled Hannibal up with him. Will pulled him to his chest and looked up into those brown eyes that had spent many days and nights staring into the darkest, deepest parts of his soul and accepting everything it offered. The only set of eyes that he’d chosen to make and hold eye contact with. The only set of eyes that could make him question everything he’d ever known about himself. The only eyes that truly saw him for everything he was. Those eyes stared back with a question in them that would go unspoken.   
Will kissed him. A soft, gentle kiss that sent sparks through his skull and down to his toes. He knew at that moment he wouldn’t let him get arrested. No matter what it took, he’d make sure the beast in front of him remained uncaged. But he had to continue to play the game for a little while longer. The soft sound of surprise that left Hannibal’s throat was enough to make Will tilt his head and deepen the kiss. Hannibal’s hand hesitantly found his waist and pulled him impossibly closer. Will’s hand found the back of Hannibal’s head and he carded his fingers through the sandy locks before breaking their kiss to catch his breath. He rested their foreheads together and sighed softly.   
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. He didn’t know if he was apologizing for the kiss, for the lies, or for the eventual betrayal that would come for them both. A tear slipped down his cheek and fell at their feet. He knew that he’d never regret what would happen that night, but he’d regret what he’s doing to the man in front of him.   
“Dear boy, don’t apologize. Never apologize. You could do no wrong in my eyes,” Hannibal replied with a soft smile as he kissed Will’s forehead. His heart cracked a little more and he sighed. If Hannibal knew what he was doing to him, he wouldn’t say those words. Another small tear rolled down his cheek and he sighed as he kissed Hannibal again. He wanted him and everything that came with him. He wanted a life with him. The regret boiling in his chest felt like it would swallow his heart whole. He kissed him harder and tried to make him feel just how sorry he was. Hannibal’s tongue barely touched his lips and Will parted them with a soft sigh. As they kissed, Hannibal’s fingers deftly unbuttoned Will’s shirt and pushed the fabric off his shoulders. Will did the same to Hannibal’s own shirt and ran his fingers through the soft hair covering Hannibal’s chest. Everywhere Hannibal touched him felt like fire and Will moaned with every gentle caress. Hannibal broke the kiss and stared at Will softly. There was a question hidden there and Will knew he’d never say no.   
“Please,” Will pleaded softly. His heart ached at the amount of adoration and desire that was pouring off the man in front of him. Hannibal nodded slightly and led Will up the stairs toward his bedroom. It wouldn’t be the first time Will had slept with another man, but it’d be the first time that he wished circumstances were different.   
When Hannibal laid back on the center of the bed and beckoned Will to come to him, Will’s heart cracked a little more. This strong, powerful, beautiful man was submitting to the man that was betraying him. Will nearly broke down in sobs as he crawled over Hannibal’s warm body. To keep from seeing the look of adoration and lust in those deep brown eyes, Will kissed up his chest and circled a nipple with his tongue before gently sucking on the hard nub. Hannibal twined their fingers together and let out a broken moan. Will used his opposite hand to undo the button on Hannibal’s slacks and slipped his hand inside. Will looked down when his hand met the black satin boxer briefs and he smiled softly.   
“Expectant or just hopeful, Doctor Lecter?” Will asked with a forced laugh as he locked eyes with him. He was trying to loosen the vice that was clenching his heart and making it hard to breathe by making a joke, but it just made his heart hurt more. Will brushed his fingertips over the warm, hard length of Hannibal’s cock and groaned low when he realized just how large Hannibal was. Hannibal moaned at the light touch and licked his lips.   
“A man can hope and he should be prepared when he does,” Hannibal said as he arched off the bed when Will’s hand slipped beneath the fabric to grip him fully. Not only was Hannibal long, but he was girthy. Will’s mouth watered at the feel of the weight in his hand. Will kissed down his chest before sitting up and gently pulling Hannibal’s pants off his legs. Will let his eyes roam over the exposed flesh and felt his heart crack more. The man in front of him was truly beautiful and everything Will hadn’t realized he wanted. Will shimmed out of his own slacks and knelt between Hannibal’s thighs. He was determined to taste him if it was the last thing he did and given the circumstances, it just might be.   
Will groaned as he licked a long stripe up Hannibal’s length and Hannibal moaned. He pulled Hannibal’s foreskin back and swirled his tongue around the head. Hannibal shook from his head to his toes and Will smiled. Will took the head into his mouth and gave it a gentle suck. Hannibal’s precome on his tongue was as intoxicating as the bourbon they’d drank just a short time ago. Will couldn’t get enough of it and wanted more. He took a deep breath through his nose, relaxed his throat, and swallowed all of Hannibal’s length in one swift movement. He moaned as the head of Hannibal’s cock pressed against the back of his throat. He smirked when Hannibal screamed and tangled his fingers in Will’s hair. Will raised his head slowly before swallowing Hannibal’s length again and again. Hannibal screamed every time Will’s nose met the trimmed hairs at the base of his cock and it went straight to Will’s own cock. It twitched between his thighs and he moaned around Hannibal’s length.  
“Will, please,” Hannibal begged and Will released him from his mouth. Will looked at Hannibal with a raised eyebrow and smiled when Hannibal pointed to his bedside drawer. Will crawled up Hannibal’s shaking body and kissed him as he opened the drawer and fished out the bottle of lube. Hannibal ran his fingers through Will’s hair and gave it a gentle tug. Will moaned at the slight pain and sighed against Hannibal’s mouth. His heart was hammering in his chest and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was about to have sex with Hannibal or because of the confession that was threatening to spill out of his mouth. He clamped his mouth shut, but groaned when Hannibal raised his hips to rut their cocks together. Hannibal reached between them and took both their cocks in hand as he peppered kisses along Will’s jaw. He gave them a few gentle tugs before taking Will’s hand and moving it between his spread legs.   
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Will asked, but he opened the bottle of lube anyway. Hannibal nodded slightly and spread his legs further. Will took a steadying breath and coated his fingers.   
“I’ve never wanted anything more than for our first time to be just like this,” Hannibal said against his collarbone as he sucked a small bruise there. Will’s heart cracked a little more and he wondered how much more it could take before it crumbled in his chest and killed him. Death from a broken heart would be preferable to the inevitable explosion that could literally kill him when the truth of what he’d been doing came to light. He shook his head and rubbed his finger in small circles around Hannibal’s puckered hole. He felt the muscle relax slightly and he gently pushed his finger inside.   
“Will, you’re not going to break me. As patient as I may be, I’d really like for you to get on with it,” Hannibal said against his chest as he gently bit down and sucked another bruise there. Will moaned at the pressure and slipped another finger inside. He crooked his fingers forward quickly and found that little bundle with ease. Will screamed as Hannibal bit down and broke his skin with a muffled scream of his own. Will started scissoring him open as he tried to catch his breath and ignore the jolts of pain shooting through his chest.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Will. I apologize. Please, forgive me. It was just too much and took me by surprise,” Hannibal pleaded as he licked away the blood pooling around the bite mark on Will’s chest. Will’s heart cracked once more as Hannibal practically begged him to forgive him for an accident that was partially Will’s fault. If anything, Will should be the one begging for a forgiveness that he doesn’t deserve.   
“No, I’m sorry. I took you by surprise and I should’ve known better. I should be the one apologizing,” he said with a soft kiss to the crown of Hannibal’s head. Hannibal sighed softly as Will withdrew his fingers. “Do you want me to use a condom?”  
“No, I want to feel you in every way I can in every capacity. I just want to feel you. I just want you,” Hannibal answered softly before pulling Will down for a gentle kiss. Will moaned softly as the copper taste of his own blood met his tongue. His heart cracked a little more and it hurt just a little more. He broke the kiss and nodded.  
“Okay. Have you ever…” Will trailed off, unable to finish his question. Hannibal laughed slightly and shook his head. Will’s heart nearly shattered in his chest at the realization that he’d be the first to have Hannibal in this way. The most powerful and intimidating man he’d ever met was going to bottom for the first time with him and he didn’t deserve it.   
“No, but I trust you. More than anyone, I trust you,” Hannibal said quietly as Will squeezed some more lube into his palm. Another crack in his heart. Hannibal’s trust was as misplaced as his own. Will couldn’t meet his eyes because he knew if he did, Hannibal would see the pain in them. He knew Hannibal would see the lie that he was trying so desperately to hide. Hannibal would see how much regret was hiding behind them. Hannibal would see that behind his ocean blue eyes, there was a storm waiting to tear them apart. Hannibal would see right through him. Hannibal would know what Will had been planning.  
Will stroked his cock a couple times before lifting Hannibal’s legs and resting them on his forearms. He pulled Hannibal closer by his thighs and gripped his hips as he slowly pushed forward. With the head of his cock pressed against Hannibal’s hole, he glanced up and saw that Hannibal was nodding for him to continue. Will released a shaky breath and thrust forward slowly until the head of his cock slipped past the first ring of muscle. They both moaned in unison and Hannibal wrapped his long legs around Will’s back to urge him forward. Will took the hint and pressed forward until his thighs were against Hannibal’s ass. He took a few steadying breaths before pulling out slowly and gently thrusting back inside that tight heat.   
“Will, you won’t break me. Please, just move. Don’t hold back,” Hannibal told him breathlessly. Will pulled back and slammed his hips forward. Hannibal nearly shouted Will’s name as Will set a punishing pace. He brushed Hannibal’s prostate with every thrust and Hannibal tightened his muscles every time. It was so tight Will could barely think about anything but the heat surrounding him. Will took Hannibal’s heavy cock in hand and stroked him in time with his thrusts.   
“Come for me, Hannibal. Please. I want to hear you come. Let me hear you,” Will said between broken moans. Hannibal’s moans got louder and he was saying Will’s name like a prayer. Will’s heart cracked a little more and when Hannibal shouted his name as he came, Will sobbed. It took one more deep thrust before Will came deep inside Hannibal and collapsed on top of him. Will wrapped his arms around Hannibal and cried as Hannibal stroked his back and shushed him.   
“Beloved, why are you crying?” Hannibal asked hoarsely and Will laughed slightly. His heart ached something awful and he wasn’t sure he could look Hannibal in the face anytime soon. He just shook his head and adjusted his hips so he could slip out of Hannibal’s warmth. He didn’t want to move off of Hannibal because he knew if he did, he’d never be able to come back to this moment. Not even in his head. The door to this room in his memory palace would be shut, locked, and forgotten about. He’d never come back to this moment in time.   
The gentle beating of Hannibal’s heart made his own crack once more and he pressed a gentle kiss to Hannibal’s chest before crawling off the bed. Hannibal grabbed his hand before he got too far and pressed a kiss to his bruised knuckles. Another crack. Will smiled softly then walked into the bathroom for a washcloth. He couldn’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror as he waited for the water to warm. He knew that the man that would be staring back at him would have a look of disappointment etched across his face. He shook his head as he ran the cloth under the water and sighed as he squeezed the excess water out.   
He padded softly back into the bedroom and avoided those deep brown eyes that he’d spent so many nights staring into while bearing his soul to the man that possessed them. He wiped down Hannibal’s stomach and chest before gently cleaning around his hole. Hannibal shivered at the contact and Will mumbled an apology. He knew how tender Hannibal must be. His eyes caught a flash of purple on Hannibal’s hips and he gently ran a finger over the bruises. Bruises made by his hands. His fingers. Not only would Hannibal bear the bruises Will left on his skin in a moment of passion, but he’d bear the bruises Will left around his heart when he found out what Will was doing to him. Will’s own heart cracked again and he didn’t know how much more he could take.   
“I can’t stay. I have to get home to the dogs,” Will whispered as he sat on the edge of Hannibal’s bed. Hannibal just smiled and turned on his side to face Will. Hannibal took his hand and kissed the bruised knuckles again. Another crack.   
“Of course. They need you. Let me walk you out,” Hannibal replied as Will stood to gather his clothes. He slipped his boxers back on and his slacks. His heart ached because he didn’t really want to leave, but he knew if he stayed, he’d never leave. He ran a hand through his hair as he bounded down the steps toward Hannibal’s study for his shirt. A tear slipped down his cheek again and he wiped it away quickly. He pulled his shirt on and had it buttoned before Hannibal made it down the stairs. He was pulling on his shoes as Hannibal collected his own shirt. Hannibal stopped in front of him and waited for him to pull on his coat.   
“Goodnight, Will. Drive safe. Let me know that you made it home alright, please,” Hannibal said before gently kissing his lips. Another crack and Will wasn’t sure how many more cracks he could handle before he crumbled at Hannibal’s feet. He knew that there was no way he could give him up now, but he had to play the game just a short while longer. He just hoped nothing would give him away before their plan could be set in motion.   
Will pulled him closer and kissed him deep one last time before resting their foreheads together. He wanted so badly just to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but he couldn’t. He had to see this through to the end. He sighed before pulling away and walking out the door. He didn’t look back and he didn’t stop walking until he got to his car. He glanced toward Hannibal’s doorway and saw him wave before he shut the door. Will sat there in his car and watched as one by one the lights were turned off. Will’s heart cracked more with every room that went dark. When the light went out in Hannibal’s bedroom and the house was dark, his heart shattered in his chest and he sobbed as regret suffocated him. 

He could never come back to this night. Not even in his memory palace and that’s what hurt the most.


End file.
